Crawling Toward the Sun

Hi, I'm Lindsay!
This is my blog -- full of thoughts, feelings, and snapshots of my evolving life.
"I see a generation rising up to take the place with selfless faith."
Psalm 103: 15-16

Text Post

I’m really struggling, and this is the first time I’ve wanted to talk about it.

This blog is my place for transparency. If my followers read this and view me differently, I am not sorry. But I am struggling. I’m really struggling as a Christian for the first time since May, and those words sting. 

I’m not seeking the Lord with all of my heart. My heart yearns for Him all day long, screams even, but I don’t do anything about it. I feel like I can’t. My life revolves around school, extracurricular work and deadlines now. I absolutely love what I do and where I am and where God has lead me in the past year, but all of it feels meaningless and pointless without God in the picture.

I feel like I don’t have much time for myself anymore, let alone my walk with Christ. And I hate admitting that. 

I catch myself intermittently wandering back to my thinking patterns of last year. Beating myself up over something minuscule and human, like a bad grade or a small setback. Getting frustrated with God for not bringing me my soul mate just yet (although I made a year-long agreement with Him to take a break from dating, so it makes complete sense that I haven’t found them yet. I just get angry, because I’m human. Sigh.). Feeling jealous and cheated. Feeling sorry for myself when, in reality, I am so incredibly blessed. Going back to the same bad habits and people that hurt me insurmountable amounts a year ago.

No, I haven’t fallen as far as I did in the past. I have faith that God will never let me fall that far ever again. However, I miss the summer. I miss my days revolving around the Word and having the free time to meditate on a Bible verse all day, watching it impact my life in ways that I never knew were possible. 

I don’t have consistency anymore in the place that needs to be constant more than anything else in my life.

I would love to talk to someone, anyone. I’m not sad, but I need prayer. Encouragement. Someone to relate. Because I feel like I’m failing, and I have never let failure be an option for me.

Posted in Personal Life God Christian | 2 notes
  1. rachelelizabethe said: faith.it doesn’t make things easy, it makes them possible. remember Luke 1:37. everyone thinks about the past and gets caught in memories of what used to be. we all make mistakes, its why God gives us so many chances. if you have faith, you have him.
  2. lovewithoutdissimulation said: I know how you feel on so many levels. It’s so easy to get caught up in works, and we end up feeling a little less like Mary, and a little more like Martha (Luke 10:38-42). I’ll be praying for you, sister. I’m up for talking any time, as well.
  3. ecstaticwave posted this